Hmm weird about your sitemap not showing up. That is odd because it should work.
Not sure what else to say. I just copied and pasted the <control> code I posted earlier into a template to see (for sanity purposes really) and it does work. It's a pretty simple thing, so not sure why it is not showing up.
Are you flushing the proper page that uses the template?
Is the page name correct in the Page(page-name) part?
Are you uploading the proper template in the proper theme directory?
I know these are basic questions, but that's all I can think of.
As I mentioned earlier, not sure what else to say. Both examples for getting the job done I posted should work and have been used by many people before. The fact that these things and the sitemap don't work for you is very odd.
Developers answer questions on Fridays on IRC from 8:30-9:30am New Zealand time. If you don't get any more help, maybe hit them up.